THANKS TO “SUDDENLY SENIOR” (not Andy Rooney)
The following tribute to women was written in 2000 by Frank Kaiser on his self-syndicated column, “Suddenly Senior”. I have seen a number of variations on it, usually attributed to Andy Rooney, but it was written by Frank Kaiser of Clearwater, Florida. I included a couple of the variations because they are good too.
BEING OVER 50 IS FAB
I love it because I think it is true. As a woman over 50, I am authority.
- An older woman knows how to smile with such brightness and truth, old men stagger.
- If a woman over 50 doesn’t want to watch the game, she doesn’t sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do, and it’s usually more interesting. [Editors Note: When the game comes on, I plunge into my introverted projects, because I can only do them when he is distracted. I am grateful for the alone time.]
- An older woman will never ask out of the blue, “What are you thinking?” An older woman doesn’t care what you think.
- An older woman has been around long enough to know who she is, what she wants, and from whom. By the age of 50, few women are wishy-washy. About anything. Thank God! [Editor’s Note: This is so true. Turning 50 is fabulous because you stop caring what other people think. Your own thoughts are more interesting and you can make decisions without a second opinion.]
- And yes, once you get past a wrinkle or two, an older woman is far sexier than her younger counterpart! [Editors Note:The hormones dial back a bit, but this means you can relax and enjoy whatever happens without drama and stupid, impulsive decisions.]
- Older women are forthright and honest. They’ll tell you right off that you are a jerk if you’re acting like one. A young woman will say nothing, fearing that you might think worse of her. An older woman doesn’t give a damn.
- An older, single woman usually has had her fill of “meaningful relationships” and “long-term commitments.” Can’t relate? Can’t commit? She could care less. The last thing she needs in her life is another whiny, dependent lover!
- Older women are sublime. They seldom contemplate having a shouting match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive dinner. Of course, if you deserve it, they won’t hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it.
- Most older women cook well. [Editors Note: I am the exception.] They care about cleanliness.
- An older woman has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women friends. A young woman often snarls with distrust when “her guy” is with other women. Older women couldn’t care less.
- Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it’s like to be unappreciated.
- Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to an older woman. Like your mother, they always know.
MAKE A JOYFUL NOISE
[Editors Note: DO NOT sneak into your 50th Birthday. I had a very loud, elegant party. I recommend you celebrate in public and never look back. Thanks, Frank. It is always wonderful when someone really gets you.]