This week, Judith Acosta, LISM, CHT, and a frequent blogger for the Huffington Post, wrote the best and most concise advice to caregivers that I have yet read. In “Addressing the Caregiver Crisis” she does a superb job of listing and commenting on the different things caregivers need to do in order to go the distance.

September 4, 2010, is the six month anniversary of my mother’s death.  I am shocked at how quickly time has gone by, and, at the same time, find I am struggling more with the aftermath of caregiving than I did while I was the primary caregiver/partner for both parents.

Of the eleven rules for caregivers Ms. Acosta lists, I recognize that I finally have the time and energy to do what Ms. Acosta advises caregivers do while they are caregiving.

1. Rest, Rest, Rest:  Even when you sleep, you do not sleep soundly when you are caregiving.  You are always on alert to manage the next crisis. I am happy to have recently discovered the nap.

2. Diet: I gained ten pounds while I was a caregiver. When I was stressed I would eat more junk and sugar. I have lost eight of those pounds in the last three months.  I finally have time and energy to pay attention to what I eat.

3. Exercise: I always exercised, but now I do even more.  It helps my weight and my energy.  I have added swimming, ballroom dancing, and golf to my yoga regimen.

4. Stay Social: I didn’t do this.  It is a challenge, even now, to put myself in social situations.  Once I am there I enjoy myself, but it is still work.

5. Get Counseling:  I am a big fan of counseling, when it is the right type and the right therapist.  I truly thought I was handling everything pretty well.  I rarely took a sick day in my five years as caregiver.  I didn’t feel sick.  It is only in retrospect that I see the pattern.  My body managed the stress while my parents were alive, but it  has compensated for it in the last six months.  When I went for a checkup after Mom’s death, I learned that my immune system was simply broken…which is why diet and exercise have become so important now.  Knowing how quality of life diminishes when one becomes frail, I am determined to fight my way back to heath.

6. Have a Spiritual Context for Your Life: I had a spiritual context, but it was only through caregiving that I grew into a person I truly like.  Caregiving expands your soul in ways that can only be understood after you experience it for yourself.  You can’t read about it, see a movie, or get advice that will take you there.

7. Cultivate Inner Stillness: I have practiced yoga for six years.  In the last six months, breathing, sitting quietly, being alone with my thoughts have taken on additional power.  The inner stillness has helped me manage my grief, but I need to move out of the stillness and back into action. I miss the fire in my belly. I cannot find the same career the focus I used like to have, but it is time to get back to work.   It occurs to me that one of the reasons I am struggling to with work is that it just is not as real, intense, or important as the job I no longer do.

8. Find a Community:  Ms. Acosta writes about isolation being a great source of pain and stress.  I have a loving husband and wonderful siblings, but I have not built my personal social community since I moved from New York City to Dallas five years ago.   I never had time for a support or social group.  I have taken up ballroom dancing and golf this summer,  and I am beginning to attend social and networking events. Physically, I find osteoarthritis pain to be increasing daily.  I believe there is a clear mind-body connection, so I have to wonder why I have more physical pain after my parents’ passing than I did during the most stressful times of caregiving.

9.  Maintain Balance: I’m trying! I’m trying!

10. Remember Simple Things Make your Life Easier: I was great at finding simple ways to improve my parents quality of life.  I need to turn that power on myself now.  Why is it so much easier to help others than to do it for oneself?

11. Pet Therapy:   Malcolm, my Labrador Retriever, and Jack, my Maine Coon cat, have stood by me through thick and thin.  Taking Malcolm to the dog park always made me laugh, even when things were hardest.  I think I still need their pet therapy. The happy hormone, oxytocin, always gets triggered. There is nothing like giving and feeling love to lift a mood. Bless the Beasts!

So, Recovering Caregivers! Tell us about your successes in getting back on your feet.  This blogger would like to hear about them.

Copyright TheNewElder 2012