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Not everything after a death is about grief and loss.  A death can actually open doors that have been closed for generations.

Lida and Gene Wedding

When Mom and Dad were married, it was against the wishes of her family.  There was a break on their wedding day that was never reconciled.  Dad also kept a distance from his own family. As a result I have close relationships with five fabulous siblings and their children,  but no other blood relatives. I remember meeting one uncle and aunt and a bunch of cousins when we passed through Atlanta when I was about six years old. Neither Mom nor Dad spoke much about their families.  Their entire focus was on each other and their five children.

One of the tasks for any family after a death is informing friends and acquaintances of the passing of someone they knew.  The siblings split up the responsibility of getting the word out about Mom’s passing. We had the email addresses for two cousins.  Tim wrote to one and Allegra wrote to the other.

Tim received a lovely response from Cousin Liz.  Allegra received a warm reply from Cousin Kathryn.  Tim asked me to follow-up with Liz who wanted to make a donation in Mom’s memory. Then things broke wide open.

I emailed Liz with the information but also told her about myself.  I sent some pictures of me, David, and Malcolm (our black Lab) as well as the link to my blog.  I also asked her to tell me more about herself, and she did! Liz suggested we keep in touch through Facebook. Then she forwarded my email to Cousin Kathryn and Niece Lisa.

Lisa is 37 years old,  married to James, and lives in Canada.  Lisa then sent me a long email and more pictures.  She also mentioned that she had done some genealogy research on the family about seven years ago.  I asked her to pass on anything she could, since we know little about anyone.

A week after these emails started flying, the following things have happened:

* I activated my personal Facebook page and became friends with my cousins and niece.

* I opened a group called “Relatives” in Facebook and invited all my relatives to join.

* I proposed to the group that we use it to share family news, history events, and photos.

* I downloaded some free genealogy software and started playing with it.

* I have active Personal and Business pages in Facebook.

Amongst many new tidbits of knowledge, I know the following:

* Lisa and Liz seem to have the same affinity for animals and love of nature that the Askews do.

     * Liz and Lisa have the same smile.

     * Lisa & James and David & I have look-alike pets (black Lab and tabby/Maine coon cat). We differ in that their pets, Pullo and Kitty, get along great. Ours, Malcolm and Jack, do not.

* Aunt Mary (Mom’s sister) and Mom both  followed the frugality they learned in the Great Depression through their lives.

     * Aunt Mary, Uncle Lloyd (Mom’s brother), and Mom all went deaf.  Ugh!  Hope I don’t get that one in the genetic lottery.

     * There are a whole bunch more relatives out there I have never met.

     * I finally have a use for the social media aspect of Facebook.

It is a wondrous thing to lose both parents within two and a half years and then discover we have the ability to rejoin family links that have been broken for a very long time.  I truly have an extended family today.  It feels so right.

Copyright TheNewElder 2012