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I married my lovely husband, David, about four months ago.  I had only met my in-laws once before the wedding, but I knew I was marrying into a good family.  On our first date David had told me about his parents and spoke in detail about why he was a contented son.  At that time, I don’t think I had dated anyone who liked and loved BOTH parents.  I thought, “Wow!”

David’s brother, sister-in-law, and nephew came to visit last month.  We didn’t do much, just sat around, ate, and talked.  As they left for the airport to go home, I was conscious of a lovely, achy, happy feeling someplace between my sternum and stomach-the feeling I get when I feel love.  I was so grateful that I had three new human beings to love and to love me, and there are more relatives to come.

We spend much energy on current and anticipated losses while we care for aging parents-losses of senses, capabilities, independence, friends, family, and life.  It is hard to remember that, in life, there is a constant flow of losses and gains.

Older people I know have lost hearing, eyesight, mobility, memory, reasoning ability, control of bodily functions, relationships, and endless other things.  I lost one parent to heart disease, diabetes, dementia, and finally death.  My other parent is becoming frail and has her own set of  chronic illnesses.  Reflecting on all the losses can get me down. It is a good to keep track of the gains too.

When I take time to remind myself of gains, I am able to remember that life is a flow. The trick is to not be unbalanced by the losses or gains.  I married a man who tells me he loves me several times a day.  Everything is more fun because he is in my life.  He has an unmarried, grown son who is now my son.  I never thought I would be a mother.  Someday we may have grandchildren.  My brother-in-law is a quiet, talented, soulful man who gets a quiver of laughter at the corner of his mouth when he has seen the humor and wisdom in a situation long before the rest of us.  My sister-in-law is a rock of goodness.  She speaks her mind, thinks clearly, and made my dog fall in love with her within the first greeting.  My nephew is a grown man who can make a chocolate cheesecake to die for, who causes me double over with laughter, works as a Nurse Practitioner, and is innately kind.  I get to keep these people and hold them close.

When you feel yourself being dragged into the doldrums, take stock of your gains.  Recently I have gained a wonderful husband and a new branch to my extended family tree.  I have gained some freedom from a lifetime of sugar addiction, progressed in a new direction professionally, live in a renovated 96-year-old house, and have lost six pounds (all off my stomach).  Wow, indeed!

Copyright TheNewElder 2012